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The Third Sunday after Epiphany, 2005
January 23, 2005
Christ Church, Covington
“As he went from there, he saw two other brothers… and he called them”
(Matt. 4:21).
I went through the initial round of selection for ordination in my last
two years of college. Things were different in those days, as younger
candidates without “life experience” were discouraged from applying. I met
with my Rector over the course of a year; I met briefly with the Vestry of
my parish; I met a single time with the Bishop to receive his permission
to participate in the process. All of this culminated in a conference with
the Bishop and Commission on Ministry, held during the Thanksgiving break
of my senior year. All of this seems second nature now: Rector, Vestry,
Bishop, Commission on Ministry, the common currency of clerical existence,
but it was not so then. These were firsts for me. My credentials: an
almost completed and kind of middling Bachelor of Arts degree, and some
experience as an acolyte.
The conference begins. We meet informally, eat dinner, sleep. There are
eleven applicants, and we’ve been told that only four will be selected.
Bringing us together like this was surely practical, but on the receiving
end it seemed like an advanced form of sadism. I am the youngest by over
ten years. It’s fair to say I feel out of place.
The decisive question for me comes in late-afternoon of the second day.
“John, the Church must grow to fulfill its mission. In the future,
ordained persons are likely to be sent to communities to found churches.
How would you respond to this challenge?” Quite a good question; very
forward looking for 25 years ago. Unfortunately this question has never
occurred to me. I “hem”. I “haw”. I’m sure I don’t want to go to some new
subdivision to ring doorbells and start a church. Finally I say something
not very convincing and the interview process concludes. It’s beginning to
get dark outside. God has spoken. Now I’m finally sure, after thinking the
opposite, that God is not calling me to be a priest.
I drive home that night. I begin to think about officer candidate school,
law school, the new future. I’ve got options. Thanksgiving vacation ends.
The day before I travel back to college I receive a very thin letter (not
a good sign) that tells me (surprise) that I have been selected for
sponsorship by the Diocese, to take the next step towards ordination.
Five, not four, have been selected. I’m flabbergasted and perplexed. The
same process that convinced me that I was not called had convinced them
that I was called.
So what happened? Well, I did get ordained. What I thought was God
speaking to me at the conference was really self doubt and lack of
imagination, old friends of mine who show up regularly. After a couple of
weeks I decided to trust the Church, trust the process, and see where it
went. Somewhere along the way (when?), I decided that I was being called.
Until then, it was just one foot in front of the other. I guess nobody
ever really gets ordained by mistake, and if they do, God probably works
through that too.
Why have I told you this story? Well, it’s good for us to connect around
this question of call; good for each of us to gather the fragments of our
existence into a coherent whole. Isn’t your life a bit like this? Everyone
has a story of how they got to the place they inhabit now. That’s part of
mine.
What I hope you take away from it is a conviction that when God calls, he
usually does not give us a roadmap, with route clearly delineated and all
the stops along the way marked. “Rest here.” “Eat dinner.” “Have a flat
tire.” There will be stops and starts, and endless detouring, and those of
us who think we have a map should view whatever we’re clutching with some
suspicion. When God called Abraham he just said, “Get up and go” (Gen.
12). Nothing else, not even a direction. When Jesus called Andrew and
Peter and James and John it was just “Follow me” and “Immediately” (Matt.
4:19, 20). God calls us in this life, and we put one foot in front of the
other. It’s enough to know that whatever road we take, we’ll be walking
with Jesus and will arrive where we’re supposed to be.
The Rev’d John Bauerschmidt is Rector of Christ Church, Covington.
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