April 24, 2005
The Fifth Sunday of Easter
Sermon by The Reverend Pamela P. Snare

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me." (John 14:1)

When I returned from sabbatical at the beginning of January, for several weeks, one or another of you would ask me, "Are you back in the groove, yet?" or "Have you settled in again?" I know that the questions were well-intentioned, but I found myself not wanting to be "back in the groove" again, not wanting to "settle in." Because, I realized, my sabbatical had changed me. It had shown me my bad habits, unhealthy habits. Habits that stole joy from me and from my life because they left little or no room for God.

Having perfectionist tendencies that lead me down the path of obsession and compulsion, I can easily slip into the mindset and the lifestyle that everything depends upon me. Maybe some of you are familiar with this tendency. It involves meticulous planning, trying to anticipate every eventuality, paying such attention to detail that one loses sight of the forest for the trees. My husband, Jerry, can attest to this.

The time I spent on sabbatical was in stark contrast to this way of life. While I lived in the monastery, I met with Sister Sarah, my spiritual director, daily, and she would tell me what I needed to know for that day - about the schedule and what my manual labor that day would be. Early on, it emerged that one of Jesus' teaching from the gospel that I needed to internalize was: "Sufficient unto the day is the trouble thereof," or in a more modern translation, "Today's trouble is enough for today;" (Matt. 6:34b) in French, "`A chaque jour suffit sa peine."

It became a kind of mantra between Sister Sarah and me every time that I would anxiously ask about some future event or change in schedule. She would say, " Pamela, `a chaque jour suffit sa peine."

My first week, I was assigned to help with the guest house, working with Sister Joseph-Marie who was in charge of it. She said to me one day, "Pamela, you seem troubled or anxious. Is something wrong?" I said, "Sister Joseph-Marie, I am afraid I will make a mistake." She said, "Pamela, if you make a mistake we will tell you." I said, "Oh.” It's as simple as that is it? I make a mistake, you tell me, I correct it, it's finished. Done. Over. Forgiven. "Today's trouble(or mistake) is enough for today."
Slowly but surely I began to change. I laid aside anxiety, I opened my hands, I said, "Lord, whatever you give me today I will receive as a gift." And what happened was joy. Pure, unadulterated, unmerited, unaccountable joy. I felt like a child again, delighting in the simplest things: a flower, the clouds, the sunset. Everything was a joy - the work, the prayer, the meals - everything delighted me. And I realized, "Pamela, this is how God intends you to live. This is how God intends all his children to live. This is what it means to live in the joy of God."

Now, just to give you an idea of how much this change took root in me while I was away, Jerry and I had taken a laptop computer to check our bank balance on line while we were in Normandy. I asked Sister Sarah about the closest Internet Cafe' and it turned out that it was an hour's drive away. So, she offered us the use of the monastery computer once a week to check our bank balance. The first week that Jerry joined me, while I met with Sister Sarah, Sister Marielle took Jerry to one of the monastery's computers. For an hour he tried to no avail to get access to our account. He was frustrated; I was disappointed. The next day I said, "Jerry, if we had no money our bank cards wouldn't work, right? So, as long as they're working, why do we need to worry?" He said, "Right." So, for two months we didn't even try to check it anymore. "Today's trouble is enough for today."

Jesus said to his disciples, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me."
What prevents us from living this way, my friends? From living with untroubled hearts? Is it fear of making mistakes? Is it fear of things not going as we planned? Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of our bank accounts? Is it fear that if we don't have our hands clenched to the steering wheel of our lives, or of the lives of others, the car will go off course or crash? Is it fear of sickness or fear of death?

The disciples in today's gospel had much to fear. Their closest friend and leader, for whom they had changed their lives to follow him, would shortly be taken from them by a degrading and violent death. And even after his death and resurrection, they would have reason to fear - persecution and/or death. Do we believe that our fears are greater or of more import than theirs?
How do we make the journey from fear to faith, from troubled hearts to joy? Well, I discovered on sabbatical that it takes interior work, or, as we say in Journey in Christ, it requires a journey inward. That discovery was behind my desire not to get in the groove, again, not to settle in again with my old habits. I had tried on the new clothes of trust and joy. They not only suited me well, but more importantly, I knew that they pleased God. They were a palpable witness to his providence, care and goodness.

The first insight in the monastery came with St. Benedict's description of the life of a monk. The first two things he mentions are eating and sleeping, and the time given to them. This is because eating and sleeping are the essentials, the basics of human life. God has so created us that we cannot live without food or sleep. Yet these two things, these basics, are often the first two things we deny ourselves in order to do more, or to work more. We eat on the run or in the car, fast food, because we think what we have to do is more important than giving our bodies proper nourishment and the time to enjoy it as a gift from God. We deprive ourselves of sleep (on one end or the other) in order to get our work done. That work will wait. It will be there the next day. The world will not fall to pieces if we give ourselves the needed time to sleep. But we will fall to pieces if we do not give ourselves the needed time to sleep. It makes a difference in our capacity for trust and for joy if we do not take time to eat well in the company of those whom we love, and if we are running on low or empty in our quotient for rest.

A second insight was that equal time is given in the Rule of Benedict for work and for holy reading - that is, reading and reflection on scripture or other devotional material. Reading that feeds our souls, our hearts, and connects us with God, his ways and his love. Reading that reminds us that God is with us, that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without Him knowing it, that even the hairs on our head are counted by him. I will not speak for you, but I can say that that kind of reading is usually the first thing to go when I am pressed. So it takes an intentional, internal effort to remind myself that my day and my work will go poorly if I do not put quiet time, reading time, prayer time as the first priority of my day. It makes a difference in my trust and in my joy each day if I do not put remembering God, connecting with God, at the center of my life. It is more than just thinking of it as a task that is over and done. It is recalling God's presence throughout the day. It is being present to God and to people throughout the day. It is considering the possibility that chance encounters and interruptions in my plans may be a gift or a work that God is giving me. It is trying to live every day on the assumption that God is living and active in my life and the lives of those with whom I interact, willing joy for us, willing trust for us, willing only what is best for us.

I will not tell you that this is easy or that it has been easy for me. Indeed, for most of us, it requires a reordering and a restructuring of our lives. For all of us it requires swimming upstream against the currents of our culture. Indeed, my first letter to Sister Sarah was a litany of how difficult this is, and I will share with you her response. She wrote:

"Pamela, today's trouble is enough for today. Do not make a mountain out of this. It is a life. Live it, therefore, day by day, falling and getting up again, beginning again without ceasing. Be simple, without any pretensions, and look to Jerry for support. He will be a very good influence on you... It is good that you are spending solitude time with God each morning. Try to live everything with God, and he will show you the balance to find in your days."

Our living and resurrected Lord invites us this day to live with him in trust and in joy, with untroubled hearts. It is a journey, it is a life, that requires unceasing effort and intention. But if we continue to follow his lead and guidance, trust in him and joy in him will become part of our very being. And we will become witnesses to his providence, and his care, and his goodness. Our lives will give glory to him.

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me." This is our invitation to life - life in Christ - this day and every day. Amen.

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