Sermon
Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Reverend Pamela P. Snare

" .....the disciples came to [Jesus] and said, '… send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.' Jesus said to them, 'They need not go away; you give them something to eat.’ They replied, 'We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.'" (Matthew 13:15-16)

I have recounted, in a prior sermon, part of the story of the meal that I prepared for twenty seven Benedictine sisters at the monastery in Normandy where I lived as a Benedictine for a month last September, while on sabbatical. But what I failed to tell you about was the struggle and the difficulty I had in coming up with what to prepare for dessert.

Jerry and I made a conscious decision not to take any recipes with us on sabbatical. It was part of our spiritual discipline to try to take only what we thought was absolutely necessary--books and clothes -- and to trust God to provide for us. You must understand that this was a big decision for us, since we always take a folder of recipes with us on vacation. And we were going to be away not for one month, but for three.

So, I had to rely totally on my memory in everything that I was going to prepare for the sisters. Cake? I had no cake recipe in my memory, except an Amaretto cheesecake. And what would be the French equivalent of cream cheese? Pie? I had no pie recipe in my memory. Chocolate mousse? Well, that was a French dessert and this was supposed to be an American meal. I was at a loss. I kept going over desserts in my mind and I kept coming up with zero.

For two weeks, Sister Sarah and I had been meeting for my daily session of spiritual direction with her on the hill that runs the length of the monastery and overlooks it. At the top of the hill is a dense forest, and we would perch ourselves on an old iron and wood bench right beside the forest, with a commanding view of the valley of the Bec river in front of us. I went up the hill early that day, praying God to bring something to me for dessert. Jostle my memory, delve into its depths, bring something to the forefront of my mind. I brought every little thing to prayer, into God's presence. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened.

I sat gazing over the valley, trying to allow my mind to be free and unconstricted, banishing anxiety, so that the Spirit of God could have free and unrestricted access to my consciousness. I noticed something unusual out of the corner of my right eye. I cannot to this day tell you what it was or exactly why I was prompted to turn to my right and look at the forest beside me. But I did. And when I looked at the forest, the trees were hanging, covered, with black, shiny, succulent wild blackberries. More wild blackberries than I had ever seen in my life, and I used to pick them as a child in North Carolina. Not just beside me, but running the entire length of the hill, was a wall of glistening blackberries. "Cobbler,” I thought. "I can make that from memory. Wild blackberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream. There are enough blackberries here to make 10,000 cobblers!"

Profusion, abundance, excess, luxury. "Only God," I thought, "only God could provide so much over and above and beyond your needs or anyone’s needs." In addition to offering a prayer of thanksgiving, I had two revelations or epiphanies. One, this is like the multiplication of loaves. Jesus didn't just give the people a snack to assuage their hunger until they could go away and get food. They all ate until they were satisfied and there were twelve baskets left over. Like the blackberries, there was much more than 5,000 men (besides women and children) or twenty seven sisters could consume. With God there are always leftovers; with God there is always more than enough.

Secondly, "Pamela, why do you, and why do so many people, ever doubt God's provision? Why do you doubt his goodness? Why are you ever afraid? Why are you ever anxious? Why do you think in terms of not having enough? When you simply acknowledge your poverty and bring it to him, he makes it work. He doesn't just make it work, he brings more than you can ask or imagine. He surpasses your dreams, your expectations, your desires."

"The disciples said to Jesus, 'Send the crowds away to get something to eat.' He said, 'You give them something to eat.' They replied, 'We only have five loaves and two fish.' "

What do you think of as your scarcity? Money, time, gifts, abilities? How do you think of yourself as poor, as lacking, as having so little of it that God can do nothing with it? As not being worth offering because it is so little, so insignificant it cannot begin to meet the need? That, my friends, is how the disciples were thinking. They didn't even offer their five loaves and two fish to Jesus for him to use because they thought it wasn't enough. And it wasn't enough as long as they kept it to themselves. It wasn't enough as long as they didn't think about giving it to him, bringing it to him to see what he would do with it. It wasn't greed. They just didn't think it was enough, so they didn't offer it to him to use.

No, it wasn't greed at all. It was a fundamental lack of trust that however little or however much we have, God can and will use it, and will not only use it, but multiply it, magnify it beyond what we can desire or imagine -- if we offer it in his service and according to his purpose.

This fundamental mistrust is echoed in our psalm this morning: "[The people] railed against God and said, 'Can God set a table in the wilderness?'" You betcha He can. He did it in the wilderness of Sinai for 40 years; he did it at a deserted place in Galilee; he did it in the valley of the Bec river last September.

How often do you feel inadequate, or lacking in resources of time, or money, or gifts, or abilities when you find yourself in the situation of another's need or another's request? This happens to me on a regular basis, indeed, I would say almost daily.

Try an experiment. When your first response to another's need or another's request is, "No way. I cannot do it. I do not have the time, or the money, or the gifts or the ability or the interior resources”; if you find yourself saying, like the disciples in today’s gospel, "Lord, send them away," then maybe you need to take some time and listen for whether Jesus is saying to you, "You give them something to eat."
Bring the request or the situation into the presence of God. Ask, "What is pleasing to you, Lord? What would gladden your heart?" Look deeply inside of yourself; tell him your fears, your reservations, and tell him the reasons for them. Surrender your unwillingness, your resistance, your fear, in order to be open to his will and purpose for you. Empty yourself of any emotional or intellectual investment one way or the other. Let the most important thing to you be what is pleasing to him, and trust that if you are to do it, he will give you what you need to accomplish it. Allow yourself to be open and accepting of wherever he leads, whatever he shows you. Acknowledge your poverty and ask for his help. If prompting in a certain direction or clarity doesn't come, keep bringing the situation or the request into his presence and wait and listen and pay attention.

This way is better, my friends, than saying either no or yes too hastily. Because it acknowledges that everything that comes into our lives is not by accident or chance, whether it be good or bad. God does not willingly afflict or grieve his children, but God can and does use even our bad experiences, even our failures, as opportunities for our growth and his saving grace for others.

Bringing all situations or requests, good or bad, into God's presence trains us in making our lives an offering to him. It trains us in learning to trust. It trains us in accepting his will and his work for us. It shows and teaches us what it means to be blessed; how to live in poverty of spirit, and yet be filled. It acquaints us with God's abundance, and goodness, and excess.

Several months ago I wrote Sister Sarah about a new adult formation program which begins this fall, and of which I am in charge. It already has been and will be a lot of work. It already has required and will require a lot of time. She wrote to me, "When I received the newsletter of Christ Church which spoke [of this program] for the first time, my heart received a profound joy...I took that as a great sign of the condescension of God for you...When I read what you wrote [in your letter about this program], and the fact that the parish decided to begin it during your absence, and that you are charged with its oversight, my joy was increased. Yes, I think that the hand of God is at work in all of this. Certainly, it will demand much work of you, but do not fret over that. Take it as an affair of God, a gift that he has put into your hands, and which is for his glory."

You see, my friends, the more we bring the situations of our lives into the presence of God, the more we begin to discern his hand at work. He can take our five loaves and two fish and feed a multitude--more than we can hope for or envision. His will and work for us is not necessarily easy, but it brings joy, abundant joy, to us and to others. And his will and his work for us feeds the world with the bread of God's mercy and goodness, his abundance and peace. And nothing in this world can gladden the heart of God, or our hearts, more than that. AMEN.

Return to Recent Sermons