Sermon by the rev'd. Pamela Snare

Sermon
October 8th, 2006
The Rev’d Pamela P. Snare

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner…’ Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:18, 24)

“What God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9)

The Church has an extremely high view of marriage, and her understanding of marriage comes primarily from the two creation accounts in the book of Genesis, one of which is our first reading today.

When some Pharisees come to ask Jesus whether or not he thinks that divorce is legal in today’s gospel, he does not respond to their question with “yes” or “no”. Rather he refers them to Genesis (today’s first reading). He wants them first to remember God’s original intention for marriage – what marriage is supposed to be, as God envisions it.

There is an exquisite paragraph in the Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage which summarizes God’s intention and will for marriage:

“The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.”

Marriage, like the Eucharist, is a sacrament - an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace. It is a means, like the Eucharist, whereby God intends for the married couple to grow in grace, in holiness, in being followers of Jesus Christ.
This is a very different view from the one presented to us in modern culture. Christian marriage is never a matter of convenience. It is not about finding the man or the woman with the perfect body. It is not about self-fulfillment, or making someone happy, or being made happy by someone. It is not about changing someone to fit one’s dreams.

It is about establishing a relationship - a relationship of mutual trust, a relationship of mutual forgiveness, a relationship of mutual faithfulness, a relationship of mutual acceptance of the other person’s weaknesses as well as the other’s strengths. A relationship of mutual sacrifice for the good and well-being of the other person. In short, a relationship which mirrors the love of God for us. There is a petition in the marriage service which prays: ”Make their life together a sign Christ’s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair.”

Marriage, as God intended it, is the most intimate and mysterious of all human relationships, which is why it is used in scripture as an image of God’s relationship with his people, and of Christ’s relationship with his Church.

Need it be said that this is a tall order for us - as tall an order as turning the other cheek, not returning evil for evil, being merciful as God is merciful, being perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect. It is so tall an order that we cannot do it by ourselves; it is impossible. But with God all things are possible. Establishing this kind of relationship is possible, if and only if, the couple seeks God’s help, God’s grace - not weekly, not monthly, not yearly, but daily. (Sometimes hourly, sometimes moment to moment.) Daily when your spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the middle and not from the end. Daily when your spouse forgets to put out the trash. Daily when your spouse neglects to do something you asked them to do, and they promised to do, in a timely manner.

Christian marriage is about learning to love another, day in and day out, as Christ loves us. It is about seeing and honoring Christ in the other, day in and day out. There is no vacation time from the demands of marriage. Just as really and truly there is no vacation time from living the demands of the gospel. Marriage is a constant commitment to keep the love of God before one’s eyes, to rule, to guide, to strengthen, and to help to love that other person as God loves them.

And when we are able to do this, marriage becomes what God intended - an intimate union of heart, body and mind; a source of joy, a great grace and a great gift; mutual help and comfort in good times and bad; a partnership of mutual love, sacrifice, and affection which speaks volumes about the love of God for us.

It is only when we can see this relationship as God intended it that we can appreciate how we fall short. And who can say that he or she does not fall short? That is why in today’s gospel Jesus first reminds the Pharisees of God’s intention for the relationship of marriage. It was legal for a man to divorce his wife in Jewish law; and it was legal for a man or a woman to divorce their spouse in Roman law. But legal or not, divorce is a failure of love, a failure of reconciliation, a concession to our sinfulness, our hardness of heart. It is a failure of our ability to establish the relationship which God intended.

And, as with all of our other failures in the demands of the gospel which go beyond what is legal, it is painful; it is difficult; it brings us face to face with our shortcomings, our faults, our frailty, our sin.

But God is merciful. And far beyond what is legal or not legal, he can and does use our failures, if we allow him, if we are truly seeking him and his will, to teach us, to amend us, to bring us to our senses, to bring us back to him, and to his will and intention for our lives.

If there is one thing I have learned from my acquaintance with and experience of monastic life, it is this: ”Never despair of the mercy of God.” And so I say to all of us, in whatever state we are - married, single, divorced, widowed, and in all our effort and desire to live the demands of the gospel, and the intention of God for our lives; and in our failures to do so: “Never, never despair of the mercy of God.”

The Reverend Pamela P. Snare

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